By Kayla Deickman
Moms are expected to take care of everyone else. But as an ADHD mom, I learned the hard way what happens when self care for ADHD moms slips to the bottom of the list.
When my daughters were 3 and 1, I suddenly realized I couldn’t remember the last time I’d taken a shower. I smelled like breast milk, my hair looked like a rat had slept in it, and I just sat there and cried. By the time I finally stepped under the water, the relief was overwhelming. I almost felt like a person again. And I couldn’t stop asking myself: why had I waited so long?
The truth was simple: I was so busy caring for everyone else that I had completely forgotten to care for myself.
Why Is Self Care for ADHD Moms So Hard?
For one, we deeply love our babies, and we’re wired to put their needs ahead of our own. That’s not a bad thing, but it does mean our needs often fall to the bottom of the list. And if that’s true for most moms, it’s even harder when you add ADHD into the mix.
Executive function, the brain’s ability to plan, prioritize, and organize, is at the heart of daily life. But when you struggle with it (thanks ADHD), figuring out what task comes first can feel impossible. A shower should have been a priority, but between feeding the baby, cleaning the house, sneaking in a little sleep, juggling a toddler on my hip, and answering my 3-year-old’s endless requests for snacks, the shower never made the cut.
I kept putting it off, convincing myself it wasn’t as important. But the truth was, I needed that shower, not just to feel clean, but to feel human. That day, after breaking down, I realized something: I couldn’t keep putting myself last. I needed a different approach to self care for ADHD moms.
You’re Not a Bad Mom for Needing Care Too
Here’s the thing: it’s not being a bad mom to need time for yourself. It’s not being a bad mom to say no to your child. It’s not being a bad mom to ask for help.
But society has ingrained in women that if we do those things, we’re somehow failing.
Motherhood comes with constant demands: feedings, diaper changes, doctors’ appointments, errands, cleaning, and the invisible emotional labor of keeping it all together. With ADHD layered on top, the struggle feels tenfold.
I deal with time blindness daily. I’m late no matter how early I leave. Add kids and appointments, and it gets even harder. I’ve missed appointments entirely because I either mixed up the dates or forgot about them altogether (yes, even when they were in my calendar).
The truth is, even without ADHD, motherhood is stressful. We want to do our best, prove we’re great moms, and live up to everyone’s expectations. But the reality? The world is already against moms.
- If we stay home, we’re “lazy” or “doing nothing.”
- If we work, we’re “neglecting our babies.”
- If we ask for help, we’re “incapable.”
- If we don’t ask for help, we’re “failing.”
So if the world is already against moms, why should we also be against ourselves? Why should we keep denying ourselves the self care for ADHD moms that we so desperately need?
Practical Self Care for ADHD Moms That Actually Works
Here’s the good news: self care doesn’t have to be a spa day (though if you can sneak one in, more power to you!). For ADHD moms, the best self care is short, instantly gratifying, and realistic. Let’s be honest: sometimes we just need the dopamine hit. And even if you’re not a mom with ADHD, dopamine helps everyone.
Here are some simple, doable ideas:
- Micro self-care (5 minutes): Drag the baby bouncer into the bathroom, strap the baby in, and take that shower. And hot take from a seasoned mom of three: it’s okay if your baby cries a little while you shower. They’ll be fine, and you’ll come out feeling human. Even better if you have someone to hold the baby while you lock the door and enjoy the peace.
- Body doubling: Call or FaceTime a friend while you fold laundry or clean. This ADHD trick makes boring tasks easier and time go faster. Plus, you get to catch up on local drama while you check something off your list.
- Simple skincare: You don’t need a TikTok-worthy routine. Wash your face, put on a scented lotion that makes you happy, and boom — five minutes later, you feel brand new. (Pro tip: Five Below has great budget-friendly options.)
- Put yourself on the calendar: Schedule your “me time” just like a doctor’s appointment. Ask your partner, a family member, or even a mother’s helper to cover you so you can take a solo walk, sip a coffee at the store, or browse Target without turning it into a grocery run.
The point isn’t perfection. It’s simply reminding yourself: I matter too. And that’s the heart of self care for ADHD moms.
The Real Lesson: Moms Are Human Too
At the end of the day, motherhood isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being real. Our kids don’t need moms who sacrifice themselves to the point of breaking down in the shower. They need moms who show them what it looks like to be human: to rest, to ask for help, to say no, and to care for themselves as much as they care for others.
When we stop treating self-care like a guilty indulgence and start treating it like a necessity, something powerful happens. We recharge. We show up with more patience, more energy, and more love. And maybe the most important thing: we teach our children that their needs matter and so do ours.
So here’s the takeaway: you are not failing when you put yourself on the list. You are teaching your kids resilience, balance, and self-respect.
Because the truth is, the world may be against moms, but we don’t have to be against ourselves.
my self-care is typically art-related, even if it’s a simple 5-minute doodle.
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